Because I live in a small-ish town, working from Panera in a strange city is rather exciting. It’s the small things, poodles, that make life exciting. 

I’m in Eau Claire, WI today, spending 5 glorious hours by myself (honestly, glorious) blogging grading papers and eavesdropping on fellow diners. It’s one of my favorite hobbies. 

Until it’s not. 

I’m having a Jen Hatmaker Loud Phone Talker deja vu moment when the dude behind me answers a call. I guess he’s some kind of sales person. I gather it’s cars or condos or time shares or some other kind of shady business. 

What do we have to do to do business together, Mike? It sounds rather salacious, like he’s buying a hooker or something. 

Far be it from me to deny business moving forward, so I tune him out and get back to grading ethics papers. Perhaps it’s because I’m grading ethics papers that I’m blogging about this today. Did you catch that? I can always blame a rant on my college students. 

Another gentleman joins him a little while later and this is how the conversation progresses. Through my ethics haze I understand that the new guy has a new opportunity with full bennies and he’s also having a massively kick-ass day! 

Who says that? 

But, gentle readers, this is not the point of today’s ridiculous posting that will surely generate chatter in the lunch room or church lobby.

Dude #1’s wife calls. He’s polite and kind on the phone and I start to regret my internal dialogue and half written mental blog post that is basically the sequel to Gentlemen, do you love your wife at the lunch table? from January 9th. 

And then I don’t regret it at all. In fact, I jot down his exact words after he disconnects the call. You ready? Here it is:

She’s got some bulls**t fibromyalgia crazy woman complex where she’s constantly bitching about [uncomfortable car] seats and pain and blah blah blah. Just shut up already. I’d get rid of her if it didn’t cost me so much money. Referring to the other man’s wife, at least yours works. 

You guys, it was all I could do to not turn around. Honestly, I gripped the table and took a few deep breaths. 

Story twist? Dude #2 didn’t go there. He stood up for his wife and family, albeit meekly, and didn’t sink to the level of wife bashing for a few laughs. 

Thanks, random sales guy in Panera, for being honorable. Or, at least, not dishonorable. I truly hope you continue to have a massively kick-ass day and land the job with full bennies.